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In the end these things matter most:
How well did you love? How fully did you live? How deeply did you let go?
~ Siddhartha Guatama
(by rocketrictic)
(Source: lucid-existence)
(Source: onlywhenidream)
(Source: dreamcoasting)
(Source: we-fear-unknown, via mia-mouse)
High and Bright and Fine and Ice
BY DARCIE DENNIGAN
When the motorboat man asked me to love him
I whispered precipice
the word for the no-more-boyfriend feeling
because precipice contains ice (practically twice)
because I wanted teetering—
What? he said
Yes
His ears from the engines—so hard of hearing—his hands always
so hot
Mid our first winter—I’d clung so long to the dock
he had to crowbar my fingers off
Each digit cracked so cleanly
Would you say they break like icicles? I asked sweetly
I knew I was nothing! But if I could sustain one song—
I is, I is, I is I is I is
I could be: ice
Sex on the bathroom’s cold marble counter was best
I whispered statuette, monument
What? he, sculpting my legs, said
Yes
The child? I named her Cecily
It sounded like iced lily
For pure, I said pristine
At the ocean, I said brine
Isle for vacation; for flowers, edelweiss
But when I said (only of late, late!) I choose ice
Brittle pearls broke behind my syllables
Did he hear me?
Again, twice, thrice:
For my love
we would need to live
in a great pyramid
We would need to sleep
beneath the continental shelf
with Antarctic crust blanketing us
The only driveway to any kind of house
is an iceberg-ridden Northwest Passage
When I whispered universe
you were to translate it as
one bright line
one bright rime
"Number Line"
127
When we first met
standing as a pair
on the school concrete
waiting for afternoon buses
I was in a pair
of green boots,
the kind men who work on electrical wire wear,
to prevent electrocution.
Rubber insulation sometimes proves faulty.
We had biology together,
our conductors defying the laws of physics.
125
When we first kissed,
sitting as a pair
in your new used-Civic,
I discovered the handle was broken.
I tasted your lips and they tasted like Sprite.
Like the movies we watched and secretly wanted to fall into
to fall in love like
and when I tried to escape,
wiggling a broken plastic,
dangling on metal wire,
attempting to cover shame and elation
I couldn’t leave.
It was a foreshadow
of chains
I told myself I’d never create
118
When we said I love you
our bare thighs intwined
on soft summer grass
growing easily into one another
fully
throwing ourself into
an existence, a reality
we desired so intensely
that this never felt like
choice
at all
112
When we spoke in closets
months later
separated
a dissonance created by
time and space and my
disappearing shape
I posited a pause button
oblivious to your movement
my bones worn too thin
to follow suit
91
I sit
in this car
with the broken handle
and my broken heart
and broken body
sitting alone with my tiny frame
where there was no room for a
heart big enough to
hold you
I had created
in a silence that was also
my own
—-
I lie with another
the ticking of the same clock
whose cadence once led
our breaths
I feel his breathing
present
in the absence of yours.
We lead parallel lives
no longer congruent in similitude
of shapes
but the same only in a certainty that
we will never again
intersect
(via osendentelle)
